Usually, the woman is the one who shows restraint, right? She doesn’t want to jump into bed immediately at the beginning of a relationship. She knows what’s important and waits for the right moment, when she knows a deeper connection is possible. She unconsciously knows that sexual intercourse will influence her for a long time. And the quality of this experience depends on many things. Sex is like a roof that graces the rest of the house. But it’s obvious that the roof without the basement has lost any meaning.

So what does this house actually look like? It’s only up to you what kind of materials you use. Your house is your choice. For me the most important qualities are very simple things. But often people forget about them very quickly. For example, clear communication is important to me. I’m very clear about my needs and wishes, preferring to be completely open about what I like and don’t like. So, no, I don’t go a hundred times around a subject that needs to be discussed. Wouldn’t life be easier if we all simply said what’s on our mind?

The next important quality is empathy and listening to your partner. We have mastered the art of being honest and clear. And now we need to be sure that our partner will accept this truth. In the beginning of this approach, it is enough to simply listen to each other, to let your partner express what he/she needs to express. And take a breath before you start to oppose them. Maybe there is more than one way to look at things. This is what empathy is all about. And sometimes there is no answer or solution needed, just a hug and gentle caress as a nonverbal expression of your compassion for your partner.

So that’s only two things: expressing and listening, right? But in actual fact this is significant learning. And it takes some time to find the best way of communicating with a new (or old) partner.

But before we start to communicate on nonverbal levels by body movement and connecting our sexual centre physically, it’s good to be sure we managed the verbal communication. Of course we may feel the need to say something while we make love, but it’s not about chatting.

So yes, talk, talk and talk about your experiences, about your boundaries, about your favourite things and about your dreams that you want to explore with your partner. We can feel comfortable if we know what our partner likes and dislike. A person naturally acquires this skill when there is enough time before getting sexually intimate. I guess universal timing doesn’t exist. We’re all different. And the reason why I talk about it is because women often feel obliged to have sex when they see a hard on.

I understand it’s not easy to resist rushing to have sex, when your mind has very strong erotic ideas in it. But if you want to have a goddess in your bed, instead of a servant, you need to be patient, especially before having sex for the first time.

I really want to challenge you, that as the man you can be the one who shows restraint with first time intercourse. There is a never-ending land of other mutual enjoyment. Be playful and curious. Firstly, she will most probably be very surprised. And please don’t think of this as a game or strategy. It will only work when your intentions are for a deeper, more loving connection.

After your goddess understands that you give time for both of you she will be very grateful. She will transform your gift into a very feminine expression of love. She will honour your penis for the respect that you have shown and she will take care of him like he is the most special one in the world.

And remember that we have unlimited number of tries to get this right. And also remember that the goddess is there but sometimes she’s hiding and with time your eyesight will get sharper.

If there is anything you’re curious about, you can share it below in the comments. If you feel you want to try to reconnect with your partner and learn more, please visit our couples section: www.hegre.com/tantra/couples and book your preferred session.

I observed how many times during the day I would usually eat or just snack on something small and tasty. And I discovered it was many times, often in fact. Of course, it’s not just me this is a very common habit.

The habit is to satisfy ourselves, to simply feel full and happier. The food often becomes a substitution for love and it suppress all those feelings of loneliness or unhappiness or other negative emotions. It is like an instant satisfaction and, as with all instant things, it doesn’t sustain you for long and the need soon comes back.

I have studied and experimented with different kinds of eating styles for four years. There are many alternatives, for example: macrobiotic, vegetarian, vitarian, vegan and paleo diets. In the end I discovered it’s not about the latest dieting fads and fashions, it’s about creating your own eating style. I observed what food my digestive tract liked and what felt wrong. And then I simply created a list of foods that go down well with me.

The second bad habit we tend to have is eating too much, probably three times more than we naturally need. My problems came from simply eating more than my digestive system was able to process. To be honest, I don’t believe in eating little portions every three hours, as many diets advise. That is not enough time to digest. The fact is one nutritionally balanced meal a day would completely be enough. But, as I said, everyone has to find their way.

We should also ask: what is real hunger? And separate it from sexual hunger, hunger for love or company. Try to find the real desire that’s covered by hunger. People sometimes confuse an inner desire for love or other needs and instead choose an easier way to fulfill that urge – by eating food.

Because the body is our temple, we shouldn’t put anything in our mouths before thinking twice about it. We should be very picky about what we eat, with full awareness of how certain foods affect us. Don’t let the food control you.

I guess eating to cover some other issue is a big thing for many people, because every day I see overweight people. And sometimes when I observe them eating, it appears they’re not really loving or savoring the food they eat. I’ve found myself eating in this way many times, that’s why I know how it feels. It’s like you don’t care whether you’re eating caviar or dry bread.

How ever it is for you, I want you to know that this is not about judgment but only about facing the actual situation in terms of your eating style. With the omnipresent temptations of fast foods, for example, the media certainly doesn’t make it easier for us.

But I say we always have a choice. And that’s why I worship and am thankful for the food I eat. With the knowledge that what I put inside will show up on the outside, too, I choose the portions that best respects my digestion rhythms.

The body is the physical aspect of our being. For this life is this body. The chance is here and now. It’s your chance to feel the joy from finding your own way and your own style.

So go for it, experiment, try new things and let me know in the comments what you find out.

Let us rejoice in our bodies!

If only parents would teach kids about real love, instead of dealing with their own troubles and struggling to express unconditional love towards their children and each other. If only the Internet would show us how to talk openly and touch each other properly, instead of meaningless hardcore porn with the main goal of penetration. Then we would have such a different idea of what normal is.

For many people penetration is the goal. But is that what we really want? What if what we consider as normal is only what most people usually do, and there is much more healthy and fulfilling way?

Once a person feels how it is to be completely present in any intimate meeting (and feels two minds open wide), it’s so intensely awesome it may even become a little bit frightening. That meeting can be very physical, penetration included, and highly energized. But also it can be not physical at all. Where you have a deep connection through the eyes, honestly sharing all your emotions with your partner. After this experience you start to change your mind and attitude towards sex.

Let’s be clear, I’m not saying I don’t like sex. I’m saying the foundation should be a loving connection. That connection is like a full body heat that appears and warms up my head as well as all parts of my body. That universal trust and love is penetrating my body. Tears appear in my eyes, even if I don’t feel sad. It’s just my soul that needs a little cleansing and it happens to me via tears. My body trembles all over and I long to share more of my essence. You suddenly feel complete and high.

These are some of the states that people may feel when they touch something deep inside. The only way to connect with someone is first to connect with yourself, that’s why it can be scary. You probably know this situation from your life, like when you meet someone whom you can be open with and it gets intense. Your heart is opening and you feel in love. It may come in up to a point and then you take a step back and shut down again. That’s the fear of our inner demons. We protect ourselves so we don’t have to meet them.

It is in our depths where the angels and demons reside. As we dive there we can choose to meet them and discover what they are like, because Jing and Jang, our two different poles, will always be there. And the demon is not always as scary as you imagine him. When you have the courage to face the dark side you’re soon rewarded by meeting the light parts of yourself.

I feel any intimate meeting is like a dance, I’m listening to my body, to my feelings and opening up to be aware of anything that’s real for me at the present moment.

When in a state of full awareness I can share with my intimate partner things I’m willing to share. Instead of saying ‘give me more’, I can say ‘thank you for what you’re sharing with me’ – that’s already the big gift. It can be less than we want but that’s the risk. It’s about letting go of any agenda or plan and simply being in the reality of the moment. And receiving the best we’re able to.

And at other times you may get much more than you expected, finding that beautiful place where you can both meet. And it’s like suddenly there is only one melody, not two any more, for as long you allow it last.

This is encouragement for you to find out what is natural for you. What is your way to meet someone? Are there any patterns to be changed? If you want to, please feel free to share your personal experiences in the comments.

Tantra is one of the ways to learn more about this topic. If you are interested about the sessions we offer visit please our menu at hegre.com/tantra